Emotional triangulation: when a third party appears in the conversation
Mentioning an ex, someone new, or "what others think" can be innocent information, or a deliberate way to generate insecurity.
What is triangulation
It involves introducing a third person (real or implied) into the couple's dynamic to generate jealousy, competition, or insecurity, and thus gain position or attention. It's not just "talking about other people": it's doing so in a calculated way to provoke an emotional reaction in you.
How it looks in messages
Explicit comparisons ("my ex never complained about this"), frequent mentions of someone new right after an argument with you, comments about how "desirable" they are to others during tense moments, rather than addressing the real conflict.
The intended effect
Making you doubt your worth in the relationship and, therefore, giving in or stopping insisting on something that bothered you. The focus shifts from the original issue (something you brought up) to your insecurity about whether you'll "lose" the other person.
How to differentiate it from a normal mention
Talking about an ex or friends isn't, by itself, a problem. The warning sign is the pattern: it appears mostly when there's an unresolved conflict, and its effect is to close the conversation rather than open it.
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